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Criticism: How to deal with it

Don’t you absolutely hate it when someone offers you their unsought for critical opinion?! They think they’re only doing it for your own good…, they’re “helping” you. Yeah, right!. Even if you do ask for someone’s opinion, receiving a negative response is less than pleasant.Sometimes it becomes a lot easier to quietly go about you business, not sharing what you’ve been up to and generally being very private about your life. At least that way you don’t have to experience that tightness in your chest or the need to really suck in your breath when some well meaning (or not) person has something unhelpful to say…

Others of us retreat into ourselves becoming less and less confident to try things, buying into the constant criticism we’ve been surrounded by most of our lives, convinced we are not special and have nothing to offer.

Some of us feel the need to make excuses for whatever is being criticised, or to criticise the other person in return… No one likes to be criticised!

The first thing that is helpful to know is that  we are hard wired with survival instincts, so our basic instinct is to look for anything that doesn’t fit into what we know as “safe”. We subconsciously interpret anything different or unusual to that which we expect as a potential “danger”. So we are hard wired to be critical or negative, to figure out what is missing, what is still needed to make something ideal.

It takes conscious intention to retrain the way you think, to start to see your and another person’s “cup” as half full rather than half-empty. In otherwords it is all about perception, how you look at life and what you choose to expect from life.

Here is a simple system for approaching criticism in your life.

  1. Stop all that negative self-talk in your head. Whenever your critical voice starts up, lift your tongue upto the roof of your mouth, bizarrely enough this stops the talk instantaneously.You can then consciously choose to find something positive to say to yourself.If you don’t like you, you will emanate the feeling and attract criticism.
  2. Do not ask for another person’s opinion. Does my bum look big in this?How do you like my new haircut? Do you think they’ll like it? Or whatever else are you favourite ways of asking for criticism. All that matters is DO YOU LIKE IT?If you don’t thenstop wallowing in what you don’t like and change it, but if you do then really love it and send other people’s negative opinions to hell where the belong. [I find it helpful to imagine putting the negative words into an envelope and watching it fly off into the fires of hell and burn to ash. Amazing how cathartic little imaginations like that can be!]
  3. Don’t  judge other people.  Don’t criticise other people. No one else knows what another person’s experiences are, nor what their real difficulties are. We are each here to grow into deeper, more loving souls and sometimes we face enormous challenges on our path. Do not judge or criticise others for how they face those challenges.Approach others and their challenges, the things they get “wrong”, with an understanding heart. It will take time for people to get used to the new you but persevere and their respect for you will grow, and so will your respect for yourself. If you rarely have a negative opinion about another it is less likely they’ll have one about you. People always criticise most that which they feel threatened by…
  4. What to do when people offer their opinion sunsolicited. First, remember that all people spend 99.9% of their time thinking about themselves, so when they do think about you it will be for a very brief time and in no time at all, all critical thoughts about you will have left their minds and they’ll be thinking about something else entirely. So essentially their thoughts about you are irrelevant. Secondly, what others think about you is none of your business as the saying goes. What this means is that whatever they have to say only takes on relevance when you empower it by believing it, so politely thank them for their opinion and then ignore what they said.
  5. Give and receive appropriate feedback when required.Sometimes it is helpful to listen to others people’s thoughts but there is away to provide those thoughts and a way to listen to them. Firstly, when you offer a person some kind of feedback that you think is really important for them always be positive. Look at what they do that is great and tell them, then offer them your suggestion (feedback) in a way they can take it or leave it,that is a way that empowers them to choose to receive your feedback or not, and then offer them some follow-up praise or positive comments to remind them that really the positive is what is key. Then, when you are offered appropriate feedback or in some cases feedback poorly delivered but possibly relevant take the time to hear what they say without your emotions kicking in. See if there is anything useful in what they have offered, anything that you agree with or possibly gives you a different perspective. Any aspect you agree with make a commitment to yourself to change and then let the rest go, and move on.

Live your

life with gratitude, consciously start to look around you for all the things to be grateful for… your healthy body, your beautiful eyes, the food on the table, the fact that you have a job (even if its not your dream job, you at least have one)… it will amaze you how life starts to feel so much better. You start to notice all the good things around you, the birds happily chirping in the trees, the first flower in your garden after the long winter, the way the light falls through your living room window. Every moment you are able to experience this type of consciousness will change your energetic vibration, it will raise it, and your energy will flow more easily.

Fundamentally, the vibe emanating from you will change and you will, without even trying attract the things that respond to that level of vibration, that is, good things, happy things! When we feel low or are self-critical it is we unknowingly invite others to criticise us by emanating a negative energy. It is just our demeanor. They can’t help themselves.

How is it some people seem to be completely unphased by criticism? What others have to say doesn’t bother them, they just get on with their lives doing as they please… of course, some of those people may well be plain rebellious but the ones I’m talking about are the ones where people say “He’s so confident. If we could just bottle that confidence…”.  What they mean is they wish they were like that person.

And NO we are not born with confidence and NO it is not too late to develop it… It’s called loving who you are, valuing who you are and who you are here to be, “warts” and all. Getting to this is for another blog and for some of us a lifetime’s work but you can start by trusting you are exactly who you are meant to be, a diamond in the raw with life slowly shaving off facets to reveal your true beauty to the world. Criticism from others is just words, empty and meaningless, and they will never have any effect over the diamond cutter.  All the diamond cutter does is look at the raw stone and shave whatever is relevant off to bring out the beauty of the stone…  other people’s opinions are specs of dust, wipe them away and your beauty is revealed facet by facet.

If you’d like to know who you are here to be and what steps you could take to speed up the work of your diamond cutter and bring yourself out in your true beauty can find me on Facebook or you visit my website or contact me direct (details below).


Helen Evans is a non-predictive life purpose hand analyst, astrologer and purposeful space designer.   Her passion is to help others share their true selves with the world, empower individuals to fulfil their dreams, entrepreneurial, spiritual and personal… to be paid for what they love to do, to live and work in spaces that make them feel good and to take care of themselves and their well-being.  She uses the pragmatism of her African upbringing and the deep intuition of her Celtic roots to guide her clients into the lives they really want.

If you’d like to know more about stepping out of your cave and into your light, please visit www.stepintoyourlight.com or contact Helen direct at info@stepintoyourlight.com

To discover your soul’s blueprint for building your purpose inspired life, ask for a hand analysis reading!

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